My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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