Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
