If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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