Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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