Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
