You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
