Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're like the curious george of whores
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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