Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
