Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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