Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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