Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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