you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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