i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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