A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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