Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
