This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
