Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
