Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
