yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
