so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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