Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
