What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
