She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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