God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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