dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
