Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
