Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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