I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want her autograph on my taint
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He shit in the fireplace
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
