Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
