so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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