dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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