Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
