I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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