Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to have your abortion
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
