Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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