The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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