just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
