U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
