I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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