Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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