Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
