My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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