I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
