is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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