I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
