She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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