is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
