After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
