I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
