I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
