i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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