can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
